How Acronyms Ruin The World While Making You Rich

The world’s longest acronym according to The Guinness Book of World Records is NIIOMTPLABOPARMBETZHELBETRABSBOMONIMONKONOTDTEKHSTROMONT and it stands for:

“The laboratory for shuttering, reinforcement, concrete and ferroconcrete operations for composite-monolithic and monolithic constructions of the Department of the Technology of Building-assembly operations of the Scientific Research Institute of the Organization for building mechanization and technical aid of the Academy of Building and Architecture of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.”

If you’re wondering why the letters don’t match or add up, it’s a translation from The Concise Dictionary of Soviet Terminology (I’d hate to read the elaborate version). Those crazy Russians.

But what about us crazy Canadians? Don’t our companies and corporations have an unhealthy obsession with acronyms?  Absolutely! – No rational person would disagree. If you’ve spent any time in an office, or seen the movie “Office Space“, you know how utterly rampant acronyms are. You’ll also know that you need a title page on your TPS reports – didn’t you get the memo?

Most acronyms serve as a paradox – complicating the very thing they’re supposed to simplify.  They pollute the streams of creativity and fly in the face of progress and collaboration; creating language barriers and sabotaging communication.

So, why are we creating, using and mass-distributing all these useless acronyms? Is it over-inflated egos? An intellectual inferiority complex?  It could be a little bit of both . But the real answer is Marketing. People LOVE bite-sized pieces of information they can remember that tell them how easy it is to:

  1. Fall in love
  2. Make money
  3. Make friends
  4. Influence people

And other people LOVE to sell those bite-sized pieces of information – at a premium!

Well, that’s handy. Because for a limited time only, I’m prepared to offer you my vast knowledge and extensive expertise for only $599.99… What a steal!

My Program includes the patent-pending CCTAR Method of Producing Superior Marketing. CCTAR is totally unique and guaranteed to make you RICH! Just follow these quick and simple steps, apply them to your everyday marketing challenges and watch your bank account EXPLODE!!

  1. Conceptualize – provide a professional level of insight and knowledge into the products you market
  2. Create – bring creativity, relevancy and longevity into the production and union of copy and design
  3. Test – base success off objectives that can be measured, tested and proven
  4. Analyze – remain open-minded, critical and analytical and strive towards improvement
  5. Refine – always be willing to re-work an idea if the objectives aren’t met (despite your best efforts)

Guaranteed to work or your money back!

DISCLAIMER: There is no offer. Please do NOT send me $599.99 unless it’s a gift.

This information should be common sense. But  people will purchase shit they already know if it’s packaged up in an acronym and sold back to them by someone that has at least three different sets of acronyms after their name.

So, will it ever stop?  I doubt it. If there’s a dollar to be made, someone will try to make it. Even if your business is the manufacturing and distribution of acronyms. They really do ruin the world. At least, the world of communication.

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